It's times like these when I miss you the most. When I'm so close to breaking down, when my chest is about to explode from all the mountains of grief it's carrying around, when I need to talk, but can't seem to find anyone to talk to, when I want to stop pretending to be strong and careless- cuz the truth is, I'm not. I'm as vulnerable and weak as any helpless prey, with pain and sorrow as my predators. It's times like these when I miss your soothing voice, your guiding words and your loving whispers, the most. No one gets me the way you do- not even my closest friends. I know they try to, but they can't. I love them and I'm sure they love me too, but I also know that they don't know how to deal with me. They see me as complex, dark and damaged. And maybe they're right, maybe it's true, but you embraced me and let me into your heart just the way I am. I can't talk about this with them. Not that they wouldn't want to listen- don't get me wrong, I know that they're always here for me no matter what and will always be there for me no matter what, but I also know that it hurts them to see me this way, I know that they feel utterly helpless. You see, it's exactly at times like these that I miss you the most, cuz after "luring" me into talking, I know that you would want to hear me out no matter how big or small my problem is, if there was one in the first place. You would listen to my stupid rant all day long if you had to, all day long cuz all that matters to you is the end result- me feeling better. It's times like these that I miss you the most, cuz not only can I not talk about this with them, but the truth is, 99% of the time, I can't talk, period. And they need me to spill so they could figure me out just a little at least, whereas you understood me just by gazing into my eyes. It's times like these that I miss you the most, cuz I'm losing my balance, staggering throughout my walk, falling every now and then, and I need you there to help me back up. I need my solid rock, the one I could always lean on. I need you. I miss you. I love you.
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Sorry everyone, but today wasn't really one of my best days. Actually, it was anything but one of my best days. So if you find this post to be too sad or depressing, I'm sorry but it's exactly how I feel at the moment. I love you all. Thank you for tolerating xx
